My love-hate relationship with my calendar

I am someone who absolutely loves to plan. I adore it! And as far as my experience goes, till now, google calendar is a beautiful tool for that. Waking up in the morning, drinking coffee, sitting in the balcony, making my to do list… My dad always makes fun of me by saying I spend 90% of time planning and 10% of time actually doing the work. Although that’s a bit of an exaggeration, its not all that wrong unfortunately. I genuinely think planning helps prioritise on tasks, … To be honest, although my calendar is generally full and I managed to squeeze in an hour for writing this blog, I love being busy and having something to do all the time.

But. When the calendar stares back at me and reminds me constantly that I have not done what I was supposed to, that’s when I hate it. I hate when it haunts me, reminding me that despite the tonne of things I had planned for the day, I whiled my time away. I hate when I see a notification from my calendar saying I need to start my next task, when I’m not even half done with my previous one. And that’s crazy because not every day is going to be productive and not every day will I be able to meet my very demanding, annoying, nagging calendar.

My calendar is someone who helps me, but also dictates me. It’s someone who keeps me on track, but also pushes me into a vicious cycle. It’s someone who makes me happy when I meet its goals, but also makes me feel guilty when I don’t. There’s often a conflict between my demanding head, the instructed of the calendar, and my heart, the victim of the calendar, and in those situations I don’t know what to do. Waking it in the morning and seeing a calendar full of tasks one after another is daunting and exhausting at times. I keep creating and recreating this calendar every single day that it has now become my frenemy. I embrace it, I depend on it, but I also look at it with disgust.

That being said, the days I meet my calendar are without a doubt the best days of my life.