My Arangetram (Part 1)

The day before and the day of my Arangetram on 6^th August 2022 was an emotional rollercoaster-.the rush of blood through my veins, my heart pounding, the feeling of excitement, followed by bouts of nervousness. It was a big event of my life .  I had my final rehearsal, the day before,  in the morning from 7:30am to around 12pm,  with all the musicians who would be collaborating with me, live, in the event. The moment rehearsal was over, it struck me that the event for which I had been preparing rigorously for the past couple of months, was now only a day away. 

My cousins were visiting for the weekend to be part of this event. Some of my aunts and uncles flew in from different cities the next day. It felt like I was living a reality and a dream at the same time. That day, I didn’t practice any more after my morning rehearsals following my parents’ and my teacher’s advice. I went to bed early, but could not sleep even with the lights off.  I was reminiscing  my dance journey,  while the sound of murmurs from downstairs, the buzz of crickets from our garden and the sound of the fan filled the room. I kept tossing and turning for hours while random thoughts  cut across my mind – what if I mess up on stage? 300 people watching me and if I let them down? What if I don’t perform upto my expectation?  Finally after an hour of restlessness and panic, I realised that I should feel excited and happy for finally making it (well almost) this far and the moment I did, my eyelids felt heavy and they closed… 

The next morning I woke up around 8am, I lied down staring at the cloudy sky, illuminated by sun rays piercing through it and into my room. I jerked out of bed, brushed my teeth, and went down to see everyone already up and active. They all greeted me and said “Today’s the big day! How are you feeling?” I smiled but I was numb inside – no excitement, no nervousness, nothing. I tried to engage with mindless activities so that I stay away from those dreadful thoughts. By noon, I had an early lunch and was ready to leave for the auditorium with my family. After reaching the auditorium at 3pm, I started with my makeup. Sitting in front of the mirror, I no longer felt numb. But then I realised that it was just 3 hours away. I quickly pushed those thoughts away, desperately trying to get into the zone. I was looking at myself in the mirror and saw the dancer in me slowly evolving. At around 5pm I wore my costume and was ready to check out the stage with my teacher. I stepped outside the greenroom to walk into the auditorium through a corridor and   I met my principal and vice principal, who we invited as the chief guests, the musicians, some of my teachers and friends While a part of me was overjoyed to see everyone there, at my arangetram, a part of me was terrified. 

I never really had stage fright in the past, especially when it came to dancing, but an Arangetram seemed completely different – the thought of  dancing for 2 hours in front of a packed  auditorium was quite daunting. I had half an hour before the program to myself and it seemed like hours of waiting.  After a brief Puja and a short introduction, finally the music of my first item was playing, live on stage, while I was doing my warmup next to the wings, and it felt like a dream come true. What I was preparing for the last few months was finally there! I forced myself to stop worrying about the outcome, start focusing on my dance and that’s when I took a few deep breaths, smiled and said “I’m here”… … It was the start of a big event of my life….the first milestone, after 11 years of passionately learning and practising  Bharatnatyam which I chose as my passion when I was a four and half year old kid.